1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, but after several defamation law suits I had to change my name.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Chopping onions.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING
Yes, of course I like my hand writing. It makes leaving sarcastic notes for the bill collectors much easier.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Challenger BBQ
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not any more. I followed the advice “If you love a thing let it go…”
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
What do you mean “if”?
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A Lot?
No, I find sarcasm useless when people are ESL speakers.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
I had a tonsorial-ist put mine in order.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
That’s a leading question. I mean, asking if I’d jump somebody by name is rather rude.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?
Killer.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
What, are you a shoe fetishist and when can we get together?
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
After a long, hot day working, just about anybody is strong.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM?
A sundae starting with a young woman and ending in orgasm
14 What IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Whether they’re dead or alive.
15. RED OR PINK?
Depends on how rough the sex is, doesn’t it?
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
The fact I don’t rule the world and get to lock up people.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Hypersonic targets, damn hard to have a bullet hit something moving faster than itself.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Not particularly, returning gifts as brilliant as mine is hardly an option
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Hm, more shoe questions, I’m surprised it’s not spelt ‘anties’ rather than pants.
20. What are you looking forward to in 2008?
Reaching 2009
21. WHAT ARE YOU listening to RIGHT NOW?
Compression and rarification waves
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Flesh tone, but due to political correctness that particular crayon color has been discontinued.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
It’s favorite odors, not smells. As in the punch line, “Madam, you smell, I stink.”
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
I find sitting or standing on phones uncomfortable at best and hazardous at worst.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Hm, are you that interested in my incestuous relationships?
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Water sports, they usually have people in decent physical condition and very little else.
27. HAIR COLOR?
Yes, my hair has color.
28. EYE COLOR?
See #27
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, I usually leave contacts in relays and other electrical equipment.
30 FAVORITE FOOD?
Something somebody else has to prepare and clean up.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
What about ambivalent endings? What about inspiring endings. What about tight endings?
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Memories.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
See the “anties” answer above
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Susan Summers or Jonathan Winters? Um, that’s rather like apples and oranges
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Are you implying I’m fat? [link]
36. FAVOURITE DESSERT?
You are implying I’m fat!
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
What about Despond? What about imponding? I prefer pondering though.
38. Least likely to respond?
What, this again?
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Words, Words, Words!
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
A scum of skin oil, human tissue, food residue and spilled coffee.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
A shark. It sits on the TV and watches me back.
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
“Oooh, oooooh, ooooooooh, oooooooooooooh!”
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Skipping stones.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
After my parent’s died.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
If I did, would I be living in a crappy apartment under the landing pattern of an airport?
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Above sea level.
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
The IRS, they owe me money.